11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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