I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
