I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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