That's intense
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
