just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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