Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
