She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it was like eating out sand paper
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
