i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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