It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
