you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
