i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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