how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want nice things and good sex
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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