you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
