have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize