umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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