Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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