you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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