GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
