ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
