I'm so fucking centered right now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
