worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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