I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize