I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
