Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
