just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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