He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do herpes really smell.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
