What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
