Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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