well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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