I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
