guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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