please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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