We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
