thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
