can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
