when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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