i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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