wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
