Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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