I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
