Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
