i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
