hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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