you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
