I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize