I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
