are you still at the devil's house?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
