You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
