Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
