But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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