He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
