At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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