Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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