just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.