now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.