he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.