my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My life is pants optional.
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