May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You can't special order awesome
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
