I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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