When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
