community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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