Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
