in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pooping to opera.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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