You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
