i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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