I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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