Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
