Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
